Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
only you would photoshop your dick
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize