Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
