some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
