i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
tell me about the eggs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
