hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
