When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
