You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
As shirtless as possible
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I AM VODKA MAN
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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