Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
