Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
