Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
