my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
