my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
