We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize