wrigley field is MILF paradise
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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