He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
