i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So. Much. Porn.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
