my sisters under your porch take her home
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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