dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bring me that man meat
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
