I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
