it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
