Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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