operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
