tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
