I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
