Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
