Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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