Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
