My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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