I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
