census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
