he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
