I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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