i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
