well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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