I have demons in me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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