remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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