He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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