just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
