For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
