how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
