We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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