i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
