When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize