well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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