So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
