I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
