I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this boner is exhausting
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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