I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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