Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
