She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
