Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
