I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
