The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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