you would pick up someone in the library
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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