Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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