It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
