Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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