the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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