i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
