I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
