May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
