Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
