They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
