I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
