I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
