I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
