Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
