you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Congratulations! We have a period
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize