come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
