I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
